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Talk:Ray of Light (1)/@comment-5874335-20130225164516/@comment-5430754-20130225183354
This is going to be rather long, but whatever. It seems like the moment I turned 12 my entire life started to turn upside down. My bastard of a dad signed off his parental rights after what seemed to be an endless custody battle between he and my mom. All of my friends started to abandon me and all of my family members one by one continued to move miles away. When I turned 14 my sister Shayla went off to college and my stepbrother moved in. He was a complete asshole. I had to share a room with him for a few months before I had finally had enough of his shit and moved into my sister's old room. All he ever did was lie to me, steal my stuff and act like he ran the house. Oh and on top of that the guy smoked in our room whenever I wasn't home, but for a while my stepdad thought I was the one doing it and kept interrogating me even though his son is the one who's the devil incarnate. That fall I went to high school, and boy was that a freaking treat. Everyone dresses and acts the same, the drama is all petty, if you even remotely steered away from what everyone else was doing you were immediately considered a freak. People called me emo all because I wore black from time to time, even though my wardrobe consists of pretty much every color. I lost the little friends I had left, and from this point on whenever I made a new one they always wounds up transferring schools or moving away. People started the dumbest rumors about me possible - there was one going around that I fucked this guy I had never even talked to. Screw whoever started that. Certain people called me fag even though no one at that school knew yet that I'm bisexual, but I guess that ties back to them hating the way I dress. People slipped unsigned letters in my locker telling me I'm worthless and to go kill myself because no one would miss me. Other than that, I don't think I can say I've ever been legitly bullied because whenever someone physically attacked me I pulled out a can of whoopass. Despite that, with the issues from school piled on top of what I was already dealing with in my personal life, I attempted to kill myself quite a few times during my freshman year. For the first half of sophomore year I was somewhat romantically involved with a few people, but all of those "relationships" fell through because people gossip and people lie and for some reason I seemed to attract cheating scumbags. Flashforward to last year, I basically kept to myself throughout the entire year of 2012 because I was just over everything and everyone, my stepbrother finally moved out while I was away in Georgia for a few weeks in August. Now it's just me, my mom who's parenting skills are completely nonexistant since whenever I try to talk to her about how I feel on any personal issue she completely shuts me out. She's verbally abusive and is constantly making me feel like shit about myself while her boyfriend who never utters a word to me just sits there and lets it all unfold. My sisters seem to have this obsession with telling me how to live my life and expecting me to fulfill the things that they didn't do. My oldest sister recently told my mom that she's upset I'm not going to college... Although she didn't go to college, so I'm not quite sure why it's so important to her. Why do people think college is the golden path in life? Not every single person needs to go, that is four years of my life and I'm not pursuing anything that requires a degree so I'm not going, simple as that. She also claims she's forcing all of her kids to go to college, but she's holding onto a false dream because my 14 year old nephew has no interest in going to college. Once your child is 18, you can't force them to do anything, that's absurd. No one cares about how I'm doing or what's going on with me, they just focus on telling me how to live my life and hold me on this pedestal. People are so focused on what they want for my future that they don't see how much I am cracking under all of the pressure. It needs to stop. It's my life, not yours, if I wanted to I could move to Antartica and live amongst the penguins, obviously I'm not going to, but I know my goals and my dreams and my future is entirely up to me, I'm done trying to make people happy.